Foundations
This spring I am transferring to UNCW, and I have never felt more excited or felt so led to pursue something. Throughout my time at App I learned so much, in and out of the classroom. However, this semester has taught me more about myself and my faith than any other. This semester showed me how truly strong I am. It taught me who and what to rely on. It pushed my limits and I learned more about myself than I ever could've, but while this sounds like a phenomenal experience it was actually the hardest thing I have ever done.
Earlier this semester I had my first experience with 'mean girls' which is crazy because, like, this is college right? But like Bowling for Soup once said, "high school never ends." I remember laying in my bed late that night rereading everything that was said to me and rethinking everything. I replayed every conversation and interaction with every person up to that point. I convinced myself that every hateful word that was said was true. I told myself that I was the absolute worst and that I deserved what was said about me, I told myself that the person who said all of these things was not the only person who was thinking them. I tore myself to shreds. Every nice thing anyone had ever said to me I threw out and instead fueled on the negativity that was swirling through my head and then proceeded to single handedly destroy myself. Walking around campus suddenly became dreadful because I was worried I would see this person or I was thinking that everyone else knew everything said. Suddenly a few messages had taken over my life. And you would think that a few hateful things wouldn't have that much pull on a person, but words have such a stronger impact than any fist. A black eye is a wound you can see, it's a wound that heals, but words make this pit that festers and is hard to fix.
It wasn't until I turned to God and His word that I really found the cure for this word vomit that had consumed me.
Psalm 139:14
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
Earlier this semester I had my first experience with 'mean girls' which is crazy because, like, this is college right? But like Bowling for Soup once said, "high school never ends." I remember laying in my bed late that night rereading everything that was said to me and rethinking everything. I replayed every conversation and interaction with every person up to that point. I convinced myself that every hateful word that was said was true. I told myself that I was the absolute worst and that I deserved what was said about me, I told myself that the person who said all of these things was not the only person who was thinking them. I tore myself to shreds. Every nice thing anyone had ever said to me I threw out and instead fueled on the negativity that was swirling through my head and then proceeded to single handedly destroy myself. Walking around campus suddenly became dreadful because I was worried I would see this person or I was thinking that everyone else knew everything said. Suddenly a few messages had taken over my life. And you would think that a few hateful things wouldn't have that much pull on a person, but words have such a stronger impact than any fist. A black eye is a wound you can see, it's a wound that heals, but words make this pit that festers and is hard to fix.
It wasn't until I turned to God and His word that I really found the cure for this word vomit that had consumed me.
Psalm 46:5
God is within her, she will not fall.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
This was definitely not something I knew full well. This turned into something I was obsessively trying to convince myself of. But God has such a way of showing you His love and His endless praise of you, He makes himself SO present in hard times. He actively pursued me in my hardest time, He put people in my life at all the right times to show me He was with me and wanted the best for me, because after all, I am His. Sweet friends were sending me verses like the ones above or articles they found, not knowing what an impact they were having in my life. In my darkest moment I was not left alone even though I had never felt more isolated.
Romans 5:8
I loved you at your darkest.
AND BOY IS THAT TRUE. In my darkest, lowest moment I was loved, I was cherished. So I guess in the end, what I'm trying to say is, people don't matter. People are irrelevant. Their thoughts or opinions on you hold no more weight than that of a feather. The Lord loves you, He chose you. He has forgiven you, so whatever is tearing you down, disregard it. Whatever it is, give it over to Him. His hands are big and capable of holding every problem. His words ring truth. Run to Him, because His arms are ALWAYS open. I hit rock bottom, but I was built backup, not on my own or by my own will but in His.
I was built up in Him and led to pursue His plan for me, and sadly that is not at App State. I am thrilled to say that I have been accepted to UNCW for the Spring and I can not wait to see what God has planned for me there and what He is calling me to do. I believe this hellish semester was a learning curve, it taught me my strengths and how to know who is truly a friend and who is a season. It taught me that I am strong and I can do anything if I put my mind to it. It reminded me to build my home on the rock and not in the sand, because a firm foundation is what will really keep you steady in hard times.
So while it used to be Go Neers, as of today it is Go Seahawks.
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