Intricacy Within Simplicity

you ask why. a simple three lettered word. why? yet for some reason i had no answer. you ask why i flinch when you touch me. its not that i despise the way your hand gently brushes mine, or the butterflies that swarm my stomach when you look at me. its not that i don't love the warm flush i feel when your hand rests on my knee or around my waist. its not that i don't find the chills you give me exhilarating. its not that the thought of you alone doesn't cause me to blush. its not that i don't love how perfectly your hand fits in mine, as if we were a clay sculpture, incomplete without the other.  IM DAMAGED   i can't tell you that i flinch because someone once tried to touch me like you do, but instead of a gentle caress, they attacked with malice and greed. i can't tell you that the same place your hand brushes, another hand has already beaten and bruised. i can't tell you that i was raised to believe that all sweet words are lies, and that i never believe ...

" I want to apologize to the women I have called pretty,  before I've called them intelligent or brave.  I am sorry I made it sound as though something as simple as what you're born with is the most you have to be proud of when your spirit has crushed mountains. From now on I will say things like, your are resilient or, you are extraordinary. Not because I don't think you're pretty, but because you are so much more than that." -Rupi Kaur This poem has influenced my life recently, not only in the way I act, but the way I treat others. But this isn't just to women, and it isn't only about your looks. It is so much more than that. This poem to me, when in context of my life, has me apologizing to every boy I've called cute before wondering what his hopes and dreams are. It has caused me to stop being jealous of girls because they are prettier, and instead be proud of myself because I am resilient.  This poem has emphasized that ...

This week I have realized that people only want you when its convienent to them. When you have something to offer them or they have something to gain from you. This brilliant and completely new discovery (sarcasm) came to me when I was slapped in the face with it. I was forced to realize that people aren't who we think they are and really only look out for themselves. My discovery led me to notice that people in my life only used my friendship as a way to achieve their true motives. And honestly that sucks. Its terrible knowing that you are only around to provide for them. Its in that moment when you realize how utterly stupid you were for thinking that you were actually wanted.  But here's the thing. It doesn't matter if they want you. It doesn't matter if they're just using you. In the moment it seems like your life is ruined, you feel useless and used and mistreated and lied to. And all of those feelings are called for. You have a right to feel that way. But if y...

number one. everyone wants to be number one. whether it's on sports teams or in friendships or being chosen first, everyone wants to be number one. if you would ask anyone on the street they'd say the same thing.  but wanting to be number one and actually being it are two very different things.  recently I've learned that you can't always be number one. you can't be the very best or the prettiest or the smartest or the friend everyone wants o hang out with. but throughout this realization I also became aware of the fact that the only person whose opinion truly matters is your own.  you don't have to be number one in comparison to everyone else, you just have to be number one in your own mind. think of yourself as the smartest or the prettiest because if you believe it then so will others. have confidence and let the world see it. love yourself and others will love you.  I'm not saying this as someone who has mastered the art of accepting ones self. I'm s...

11 days ago my life was stress free. I had no cares, no worries. 11 days. in 11 days everything changed. school started, work picked up, church continued, homework increased, my social life took off, college applications started. in 11 days.  prior to said 11 days it was summer. I was carefree enjoying the freedoms of lacking responisbilities. I was living my life to the fullest, working during the day, going out at night. or at least I thought I was. but throughout these 11 days I have had a glimpse at the real world. a world which I will be entering in the fall of 2016. a world of adulthood. and honestly I have no clue what to do.  im about as lost as a fish in the desert when it comes to what to do in the adult world. we as a generation were raised without a clue as to how to handle the real world. we were handed technology that was supposed to do everything for us and in turn has handicapped us to where now we lack the ability to do things without it. this is putting a cap...

in today's world it is completely acceptable to believe whatever your told. it doesn't matter if your source is The New York Times or Twitter, society has made it acceptable to rely on those sources for facts.  due to this reliance it has caused societies perception of truth and lies to become distorted. everyone believing what they are told has caused the term "truth" or "fact" to have little to no value. people base opinions on world topics, food, people, or religion off of what they see online.  this is an issue. this is a crisis. the moment society stops thinking for themselves is the moment we accept our fate and destroy ourselves. our ancestors questioned, experimented, researched, tested. they looked into things and worked to find the truth in the midst of everything. they worked to discover facts and they checked to make sure they were accurate. yet today we would rather just go with what we're told.  WHEN DID WE BECOME SO LAZY?  when did we as a...

choices. I have no clue how to make them. whether it's what I want for lunch or decisions for my future, I can't decide.  as college continues to loom over me I realize that very soon I will have to decide. I will have to decide my future without knowing all the possible outcomes. it's like when you see the participants on game shows choose a door without any knowledge of what's behind the other.  that's what life is like. a game show. a constant game of choosing a door without any idea what you're choosing. people tell you decisions get easier with time, but why must you make such big decisions regarding your life at such a young age? I couldn't tell you what I wanted for lunch, much less tell you what I choose for the rest of my life.  but you see, it's not just choosing colleges. it's choosing friends, jobs, classes, clubs, relationships. it's choosing the things that will forever make or break you. it's life forcing you to decide your fat...

Behind every perfect photo is 4,000 horrid ones that make you second guess your entire life. The lighting is off, too many shadows, its blurry, you think your face looks funny. But in reality all of the photos have a common denominator, YOU. In today's society people believe they must always put their best image forward. Society has made it to where the only things deemed socially acceptable to share are your very best days, your most intelligent thoughts, your best pictures. This stigma causes individuals to hide their innermost feelings or thoughts, it causes people to second guess themselves to the point where they don't know who they are or what they stand for. This is creating a population of fake smiles and fake happiness, so in summary FAKE PEOPLE. It's causing society to be something they aren't in order to fit in and be accepted. The urge to be the best and seem flawless has led society to become a plethora of cookie cutter images. It bothers me that now pe...

This week I learned that while I see it as a priority to put others first, many don't see life the same way I do. I learned this week that just because I aim to ensure that others are happy, it's not always reciprocated. This week I was taught that to feel as though I am important I must believe I am.  This week I learned that I  am a body without a face. Easily replaced, easily gotten rid of when my time is over due. I am replaceable. Not a permanent fixture, just there as long as I'm needed and put away as soon as my job is done. It's as though I am kept around only when it is convenient to the user.  This week I learned how it feels to be a doll. While you may be the child's favorite, you're easily replaced by the newer prize and you can be traded out for any other doll as needed. It's a lonely and dreary existence. If dolls do have feelings, I wish I had known so I could've tried so much harder to show them love and kindness and to show them they wer...